How to Create Peaceful Co-Parenting After Divorce Part 2

My two kids have different fathers. We are each partnered with other people, which gives my boys two parents and two bonus parents. For years now, we have been co-parenting peacefully, often happily.

I often think about a photo from a trip we all took to Guatemala, where my younger son’s stepmother has family. We’re sitting in a lush garden, the kids nestled between their parents and bonus parents, all of us grinning like we won something.

At holidays and on vacations, we move in a pack. The kids weave between us as we arrive somewhere together, a configuration that leaves people quietly trying to figure us out. The answer is simple, though not easy. We put in the work.

The Work That Made Peace Possible

After the romantic chapters of these relationships ended, we committed to getting better. Not just at logistics or communication, but at being better humans inside of this new reality. That process began with deeply personal inner work. My first secret to peaceful co-parenting after divorce. We took responsibility for our own healing, and over time, the results spoke for themselves. Today, we genuinely like and respect each other. We celebrate one another’s successes. We offer care when things are hard. Most importantly, we have peace in our hearts. We are no longer fueled by anger, resentment, or bitterness.

That peace created the conditions for the next, essential shift.

Another Super Effective Peaceful Co-Parenting Secret: See the Dad Within Your Ex

The end of a romantic relationship can be devastating.

Trust is broken. Emotions run high. The person you once loved may now feel like a stranger or even an enemy. In the aftermath, it is easy to collapse everything about your ex into the role of 'the one who hurt me.” But co-parenting asks something different of us. At a certain point, peaceful co-parenting after divorce requires a conscious releasing of outdate roles.

The man who disappointed you as a partner is not the same man your children experience as their father. When we fail to separate those roles internally, resentment spills into co-parenting.

Communication tightens. Judgment creeps in and our kids feel it, even when nothing is said out loud. Seeing the dad within your ex is the practice of intentionally shifting your focus away from the relationship that ended and toward the relationship that remains.

He Is Still Your Children’s Dad

Your ex may still trigger you.And he is still your children’s dad.

He may have handled the breakup poorly.And he is still their dad.

This does not require denying harm or bypassing your own pain. It simply asks you to widen the lens. Ask yourself this: When your kids are with him, are they loved? Are they safe? Are they seen? If the answer is yes, that matters.

It also matters to remember that active fatherhood is a choice. He does not have to show up. If he is doing so consistently, that is something your children benefit from deeply. What you choose to focus on will shape your inner experience of co-parenting.

Supporting Your Child’s Relationship With Their Dad

Children need their fathers.

When that bond is weakened or subtly undermined, kids often internalize the loss in ways that can follow them for years. Supporting your child’s relationship with their dad is not about excusing the past. It is about protecting your child’s emotional foundation. In the early stages of co-parenting, especially when grief and anger are still present, this can feel like a tall order. It requires putting your children’s long-term wellbeing ahead of your understandable urge to stay armored.

As mothers, we already know how to orient toward our children’s needs. This is simply another place where that deep maternal capacity is called forward.

Over time, this shift softens the entire system. Less tension. Fewer power struggles. More steadiness for everyone involved.

A Short Practice to Release Co-Parenting Tension

When frustration or control begins to tighten in your body, pause.

Notice where your feet meet the ground, or where your body is supported by the chair beneath you.

Inhale slowly for four counts.Hold for four counts.Exhale fully for four counts.

Let gravity settle you a little more deeply into your body.Repeat three times.

This small reset can help you meet co-parenting moments from clarity instead of reactivity.

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If you are in the middle of divorce or co-parenting and your nervous system feels hijacked, you are not broken. This is what overwhelm actually feels like.

You do not need a big breakthrough. You need a pause.

Stop the Spin: Your 10-minute Reset for Divorce & Co-parenting Chaos is a simple way to interrupt the spiral and come back to yourself so you can respond instead of react.